The Salem Witch Trials Were One Long LSD Binge And Here's How

By | September 2, 2019

The Salem Witch Trials stands as one of the greatest WTF moments in all of American history. In 1692, a few girls fell ill, and one year later, 25 people were dead after being accused of witchcraft. How could something like this happen? Historians have been scratching their heads for centuries, and we still have no definitive answer as to what exactly went down that fateful year in Massachusetts. That’s probably why there are so many misconceptions and myths surrounding the Salem Witch Trials.

First, let’s start with what definitely DIDN’T happen:

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Burning at the stake. Source: (


What do you do with a witch once she’s convicted? Burn her at the stake, of course! But don’t be too fast with your marshmallows and dough-boys, because not a single person was burned alive in Salem. Burning so-called witches at the stake may have been a popular pastime in medieval Europe, but not so much in 17th century America. All those convicted in Salem were hung by the neck at Proctor’s Ledge, with the horrific exception of one Giles Corey.  

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Giles Corey refused to name names no matter how much pressure they put him under, and they put him under a lot of pressure. We’re talking hundreds of pounds of pressure. Because he refused to plead, Giles was the only person in Salem to be killed with the method of “pressing.” Essentially, they put a board over his chest and stacked stones on top until his abdomen caved in. While loading the rocks, the sheriff asked him to give the names of other witches, to which Giles replied with the two simple words “more weight.” Most people would say anything and throw anyone under the bus to get the torture to stop, but not our guy.


You might have noticed Giles doesn’t sound like a particularly feminine name. While women were the majority of the accused, five out of the nineteen executed were men, and a sixth man died in prison while awaiting trial. More egalitarian than the European witch hunts, at least? Listen, it’s hard to find the positive in this.